Integrated Parenting

DELTA DISTRICT U12 GOLD PETER McELHERON CUP SEMI FINAL

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 12, 2011
Delsom Park Turf, Delta, BC, Canada

Peace Arch United Blues
Versus Tswwassen Blues
Won 6-5 penalties (3-3 after extra time)
Scorers: Max 2, Oscar 1
Penalties: Oscar 1, Max 1, Malachi 1, Brownie 1, Sean 1, Justin 1

I am way behind on all games for this year but I have to start with today’s game as – I do not know about all of you lot that were also at the game – it is still sinking in what we experienced this morning!!!

Well…where do I start…

We had a sick roster with Jack out – Chayson arriving having been ill all week, Malachi been off school Thursday and Friday and Oscar, Brownie, Michael all still feeling the affects of this sickness bug going around….And Super Star Jeff was away for the weekend – and I knew we would really miss his energy!….

It was revenge time – well that is what I was hoping for – for the other semi final a couple of weeks back when we lost to the same Tswwassen team in the Conference Cup – where they got 2 lucky goals….including a dodgy penalty….and this becomes more relevant later!!!!

We started off slower than slow and we were 3-0 down within the first 8 minutes….

I was thinking damage control and how do we stop this from becoming embarrassing…

So Bevin, Ryan and I just told the boys to continue to play their passing game and whatever happens will happen…

And it did!!!

It also helped I think that Tswwassen truly believed they had won the game already and there was no way we would be able to get back in the game….So they kind of switched off and allowed us the space and room to get ourselves back in the game……

So we stepped it up a gear and Max started his boy of the match performance by hustling their defense which shook them up as that is the basis of their game playing out from the back…

I told the boys to just keep playing the ball in behind their defense and sweeper and lo and behold at last from one of Oscars through balls to Max he finished beautifully and it was 1-3 – just before half time.

The half time team talk was more of the same…just go out and play their game, keep it simple and keep working hard…

The 2nd half started in a similar style to the end of the 2nd with Max leading from the front. Malachi and Kyle were sweeping up everything from the back, and Sean picked his game up cleaning things up in the middle. Jacob came alive and became a nuisance to their midfield and forwards and Justin was playing out of his skin!!!!

And it took a bit of luck to get us back in it further, when their keeper played out a poor ball straight to Oscar and another great ball splitting their defense allowed Max to finish once more to make it 2-3. Could we really get back in this game?

There was about 10 minutes left and we started believing we could really peg them back!.

Chayson was playing as though he had not been out sick, and Michael and Brownie worked real hard – closing down their #7 which stopped the supply from the right wing….

And finally it came – and I have to say it was a great substitution from the Head Coach. I put Justin on right mid and within a minute he had made a great move into their box- drew the foul – and we were awarded a penalty.

5 minutes to go and could we possibly get level!

Oscar put it away brilliantly and it was 3-3. We saw out the end of the regulation time and it was into Extra time (ET) ((OT for you Canadians!)).

During the break talk the boys believed they could now win this game….and you could see it in their eyes…..

ET we were the better side and played with more purpose, playing our passing game and we had a couple of good chances, but finally we had to settle to win it in a penalty shoot out…

So the drama continued.

Oscar stepped up and put his kick away 1-0.
Tswwassen scored theirs.
Max and then Malachi then scored theirs with Tswwassen doing the same.
Brownie missed his knowing the goalie had moved and stepped up and nailed the retake.
And Tswwassen missed theirs – well actually Brighton pulled off a great save!!!!
Michael was unlucky hitting the post and Tswwassen scored to level the scores.
Now it was into sudden death.

Sean stepped up and put a beautiful shot into the left hand corner.
Tswwassen responded.
Justin stepped up and put his away excellently.
And just what we had been waiting for – Tswwassen missed and we were through!!!

The boys went nuts and so they should because that was one game they will remember for the rest of their lives..

The way they handled the adversity of going down 3-0 so quickly, they did not get down on themselves, they did not get on each others case, the stuck to the game plan we had talked with them about and got themselves going and back into the game…through hard work, patience and a belief that they could do it.

It was ironic that we had played at this same field 2 weeks ago when we were in the game against North delta at 1-0 down and were playing well we hit the bar twice in a row and then Delta went on to win 4-0. But well before ND scored we had given up…And I had told the boys the story of Man Utd beating Bayern Munich in the Champions league final by scoring 2 goals in the final 2 minutes of injury time……

And 2 weeks later the boys had picked themselves up and done themselves, the club and their moms and dads proud by pulling off what has to be one of the victories of the season (although there have been a few this season for sure!!)

So we head into next weeks final game against the other Peace Arch Gold team – who also made it to the final – which will also be hosted by Peace Arch – and we are now the home team by beating the #1 seed Tswwassen!! We have already beaten the other Peace Arch team once this season but they are seeded higher than us and therefore will be favourites – which we do not mind at all!

As long as we go out and play our game in the style we have been playing all season then all the boys should have a blast.

Well done to all and I believe that this is the first time that 2 Peace Arch sides have reached the district final at U12 Gold level……..

A special note to the WHOLE team and in particular Brighton in net who did not drop his head when those goals went in and made some great saves to keep us in the game when it was still 3-0 and 3-1…Well done Bri!!!!

Thanks to all you parents as well for all your support for the kids and the coaches……..it makes it all worth while!!!!!

Ian

DAD’S STORY:

Ok here is the scene…

Second day of pre-school for Hugo
Says he wants to stay on his own and have me leave
Teacher is quite strict
We get to school
Hugo changes his mind wants me to stay
Teacher grabs Hugo, locks me out, and he starts yelling – luckily no bad words!!!!!
I stand by the window watching, where teacher says I can stand
Hugo manages to wriggle free and does a runner to the window where I am standing
He opens it and climbs out!!!!
10 minutes later, and after more negotiation about letting him climb back for cuddles if he needs to, he goes back in through the window
Teacher says nothing to Hugo or Dad, but you can tell she is perplexed
The system works well and after 5 more escapes out the window he is now safely encompassed in the classroom
Do whatever it takes, it says in the handbooks
Do it with style say the Patel Thompsons – do it in style

Backpack and lunch bag out the window and it’s the end of school!

Cannot wait till next week…

I sure hope you don’t have kids like mine – who hate sandwiches, but also won’t take anything else to school that can’t be eaten in about 5 minutes flat. And no, they won’t eat healthy, easy things like cold chicken either.

So, I make them stuff that looks, tastes and feels like a treat, but is actually packed with protein, fruit and veggies. Oh yes, and very important: Don’t let them see you making these, or the gig’s up!

TIP: My kids LOVE the muffins and they say the cookies are “okay”. These recipes are all GLUTEN-FREE.

Raisin Almond Cookies

2 1/4 cup almond flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup raisins (or choc chips if you prefer)
1/4 cup (heaped) butter
1/4 cup honey
2 eggs, beaten

Mix ingredients together, bake at 350 degrees.

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Banana Almond Muffins

3 cups almond flour
1/4 cup yoghurt
1/3 – 1/2 cup honey (add 1/3 cup if you’re adding sweet raisins or choc chips, but if plain, use 1/2 cup)
1 tsp baking soda
4 eggs, beaten
2 extra-ripe, mashed bananas
Optional: can add 1 cup of raisins or chocolate chips

1. Mix dry ingredients together.

2. Then add rest of ingredients and mix well.

3. Bake in muffin tins, greased or lined with papers, at 375 F for about 20 minutes

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Zucchini Almond Muffins

3 cups grated zucchini (peeled so they don’t see the green and press out the excess water)
3 eggs, beaten
3 cups almond flour
1/3 cup melted butter
1/2 cup honey
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
Optional: If your child is super picky, add 1/4 cup cocoa to really disguise the zucchini and you can also add 1/2 cup of white chocolate or regular chocolate chips, or raisins

1. Mix almond flour, melted butter, honey and zucchini.

2. Add beaten eggs, cinnamon, salt and baking soda. Mix well.

3. Bake in muffin tins, greased or lined with papers, at 350 F for about 20 minutes

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Oh and one last quick ‘n easy winner:

Thermos Hot Dogs

Cook your organic turkey hot dogs (no carcinogenic nitrates!) at home, then tie a string (dental floss also works) around the top and lower the hot dog into a very hot thermos of water. Have the string dangle outside, down the side of the thermos and screw on the lid.

At lunchtime, your child can unscrew the lid of the thermos and lift the hot dog(s) out by the string. Presto – a hot meal ready to go. Serve either plain or with a bun and ketchup. Some kids also like to just dip the hot dog into ketchup (no bun).

Hope that helps you out, and if you’ve discovered any other great lunchtime recipes for picky kids, please post them in the COMMENTS section below.

soar higher
Jini

My two older kids, Zara and Oscar, just launched their first website! They are very concerned about the effects of microwave radiation on kids – and the fact that schools and the government, and even parents are not doing anything about it.

So they did this site especially for kids, written by them so that kids could understand the info (of course they had help from Mum too!)

http://www.RadiationEducation.com

They want other families to learn about the damage wireless devices – like WiFi, cell phones, cordless phones, Wii, etc. – are doing to people and switch to hard-wired options.

Let us know what you think of the site and tell your friends!

soar higher,

Jini

I have to say, I’m absolutely gutted today. I am overwhelmed almost to the point of despair about how I am supposed to raise healthy children in a world where millions of people do not care about the ways we are polluting our soil, groundwater, food supply, electromagnetic environment, etc. etc.

I really just have one primary driver: I don’t want any of my family to develop a serious illness. The cancer rate is now 1 in 2. That’s right, out of every single person you know, half of them will have cancer at some point in their lives.

Why doesn’t that stat live with people and permeate their lives? When you go to buy your groceries, “1 in 2″ should be playing in your head, when you spray your lawn, when you reach for your cell phone, “1 in 2″ should be repeating over and over. When you buy your kid – with their still-developing, thinner skull, a cell phone (for pete’s sake!) and a wireless computer, “1 in 2″ should be positively booming in your head.

What exactly is going on? Does every mother at my kids’ school think that her child is going to be the disease-free half of the population, so she doesn’t have to change anything? Uh….hmmm, let’s just do the math for one millisecond and we realize how ludicrous that is. Or do they just not care?

Or are they like the school board, who bases all of it’s decisions upon information put out by industry-influenced sources? Are people really that naive? Has no one learned anything from the cigarette/smoking issue? Or the swine flu fiasco?

Do I sound a tad irate? Do I sound like I just can’t take it anymore? Because you know what, I’ve already healed myself of serious, chronic illness (largely inflicted upon me by the well-meaning ignorance of my parents). And I am NOT going through that again.

People who have never had a serious illness, don’t realize that you will spend almost every minute in misery for YEARS. They don’t understand that nothing is worth that. But I do.

And that’s why I’m so beside myself at having to live in a community where everyone around me is continually making disease-producing choices and I’m the only one pushing in another direction.

And yes, I’m “pushing.” I spend every day pushing against the choices made by other parents when they give my children chemical and sugar-laden foods at playdates and birthday parties. When the school installs wireless computers and allows children to bring cell phones to school and the teachers provide sugary, chemical-laden “treats” at every holiday. When other parents send sugar/chemical “treats” to school for everyone when it’s their child’s birthday, valentine’s day, halloween, etc. And what about all the after-soccer, birthday party, post-performance celebrations at McDonald’s and Dairy Queen?

Oh yes, thank you, that’s so nice of you! Cause you know, I was having a hard time getting my kids to eat enough sugar and artificial crap without your help.

And what does that turn me into? The big, bad, nagging meanie. When I’m really a fun-loving, adventurous, dynamic person who has always lived life in the “flow”. Now every single day, I’m “pushing”. I hate it. I hate living this way.

But I hate illness even more.

When I think, I should just give up, let the kids be like everyone around them, and remove a huge stressor from my life, then I also think: Yeah, and for how long? Because one thing you learn when you have to heal yourself from a serious, supposedly “incurable” illness, is what produces disease and what produces health.

So I don’t have the benefit of ignorance. I KNOW that if I let my kids do what everyone else is doing and we live the way everyone else is living…”1 in 2″. And that’s just cancer. That doesn’t even include MS, Lupus, diabetes, Crohn’s, colitis (which is approaching epidemic levels), CFS, etc etc.

What’s the solution? Do we have to go completely “off the grid” and buy 150 acres somewhere and grow our own food, have our own water supply, homeschool our children, etc. Oy vey, and how would I have the time/energy to do all that and still run my business? And where exactly would we do that?

Or are there places where there are communities of people who are already aware of the toxicity of “normal” lifestyles and a bunch of people doing something different? I’ve heard about a development in Vilcabamba, Ecuador – but you may have to be a vegetarian, raw foodist to live there and personally the crime and the bugs don’t appeal to me.

And then if you join any kind of “community” aren’t you going to get all the whacky people and bureaucrats who just want to control everyone – kind of like a strata council (or condo owner’s association) that never stops?

You see what I mean? Now you know why I’m feeling totally gutted, trapped, exhausted, etc. I don’t actually want to move anywhere, or become a farmer.

But I don’t want my kids to develop a serious, chronic illness, even more.

A friend of mine is convinced the solution is to move to New Zealand. Who knows??

I’ve never met a parent (including myself) who wouldn’t love a “magic formula” to get our kids to sleep through the night – so we could too.

The main technique most mothers around me tend to use is some version of the Ferber Method, also referred to as “controlled crying”. This is the same technique my mother used when I was an infant, to get me to sleep by myself (in my own crib, in my own room) through the night.

I have never even considered using this technique with my 3 kids, just following my gut intuition, and I recently found an excerpt from lactation consultant Pinky McKay that so eloquently outlines why:

One of the arguments for using controlled crying is that it ‘works’, but perhaps the definition of success needs to be examined more closely. In the small number of studies undertaken, while most babies will indeed stop waking when they are left to cry, ‘success’ varies from an extra hour’s sleep each night to little difference between babies who underwent sleep training and those who didn’t, eight weeks later. Some studies found that up to one-third of the babies who underwent controlled crying ‘failed sleep school’. A recent Australian baby magazine survey revealed that lthough 57 per cent of mothers who responded to the survey had tried controlled crying, 27 per cent reported no success, 27 per cent found it worked for one or two nights, and only 8 per cent found that controlled crying worked for longer than a week. To me, this suggests that even if harsher regimes work initially, babies are likely to start waking again as they reach new developmental stages or conversely, they may become more settled and sleep (without any intervention) as they reach appropriate developmental levels.

Controlled crying and other similar regimes may indeed work to produce a self-soothing, solitary sleeping infant. However, the trade-off could be an anxious, clingy or hyper-vigilant child or even worse, a child whose trust is broken. Unfortunately, we can’t measure attributes such as trust and empathy which are the basic skills for forming all relationships. We can’t, for instance, give a child a trust quotient like we can give him an intelligence quotient. One of the saddest emails I have received was from a mother who did controlled crying with her one-year-old toddler.

“After a week of controlled crying he slept, but he stopped talking (he was saying single words). For the past year, he has refused all physical contact from me. If he hurts himself, he goes to his older brother (a preschooler) for comfort. I feel devastated that I have betrayed my child.”

It is the very principle that makes controlled crying ‘work’ that is of greatest concern: when controlled crying ‘succeeds’ in teaching a baby to fall asleep alone, it is due to a process that neurobiologist Bruce Perry calls the ‘defeat response’. Normally, when humans feel threatened, our bodies flood with stress hormones and we go into ‘fight’ or ‘flight’. However, babies can’t fight and they can’t flee, so they communicate their distress by crying. When infant cries are ignored, this trauma elicits a ‘freeze’ or ‘defeat’ response. Babies eventually abandon their crying as the nervous system shuts down the emotional pain and the striving to reach out.

One explanation for the success of ‘crying it out’ is that when an infant’s defeat response is triggered often enough, the child will become habituated to this. That is, each time the child is left to cry, he ‘switches’ more quickly to this response. This is why babies may cry for say, an hour the first night, twenty minutes the following night and fall asleep almost immediately on the third night (if you are ‘lucky’). They are ‘switching off’ (and sleeping) more quickly, not learning a legitimate skill.

Whether sleep ‘success’ is due to behavioural principles (that is, a lack of ‘rewards’ when baby wakes) or whether the baby is overwhelmed by a stress reaction, the saddest risk of all is that as he tries to communicate in the only way available to him, the baby who is left to cry in order to teach him to sleep will learn a much crueler lesson – that he cannot make a difference, so what is the point of reaching out. This is learned helplessness.

This is an edited extract from “Sleeping Like a Baby” by Pinky McKay (Penguin). Pinky is am International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, Certified Infant Massage Instructor and mother of five. For more tips to help your baby (and you!) sleep, read Pinky’s best-selling book Sleeping Like a Baby.

Personally, I feel being “left to cry” as an infant was the foundation of my fears of not feeling safe in the world – which I have spent about 20 years of healing/therapy overcoming! It is not the only contributing factor, but I think it is a root, significant one.

I once listened to a neighbour using this method with her baby and the cries of “Mommy, please help me!” had tears streaming down my face and I’m not even her mother! My own children were upset and just couldn’t conceive that a mother would do that to her own child. I thought to myself, “You know, if that were an elderly person in there, crying and calling for help, we would call the police. So why are we allowed to treat children with a lack of such basic respect and care?”

In the end, my kids and I stood underneath the baby’s open window (which is why we could hear everything) and discussed loudly what was going on and the kids called up reassurances to the baby. Whatever this made the parents feel, they came and got their baby and we didn’t have to listen to any more anguish, thank god.

So, yes, sleep disturbance/deprivation is part of what makes parenting so incredibly hard and exhausting. And yes, I know there are some times when you are a single parent (or perhaps you’re married, but you’re still doing all the grunt work) and you don’t have a support person available and you’re facing the dilemma of ‘lock them in a room or risk abusing them’ what can you do? But really, if this happens more than once or twice, it is your responsibility as the adult to change the dynamic so that you get someone else helping you when you hit the wall.

One tool that I used to help my children get to sleep easily without damaging their trust, security and attachment to me (when I was just too exhausted to read, sing, or tell them a story), is my Sleeptime Story CDs – these work great for kids aged 18 months – 6 years. Most of the time, I would lie down with my kids as they listened to a story and drifted off to sleep (the music put me to sleep too). But my husband was also able to use them to get the kids off to sleep if I wasn’t there – instead of them waiting up for me to get home!

Click here to listen to a sample of a Murray The Shark Sleeptime Story – this one’s called The Fishing Game.

But you can also record your own stories and then put them on a CD or mp3 to use when you’re not around, or when you’re too tired to do anything but lie there!

soar higher,

Jini

Constipation in babies or young children is absolutely heart-rending to watch. My new book on natural healing for constipation goes into effective protocols for both adults and children. But for a baby under the age of two, the following comprehensive protocol may be all you need to resolve their constipation. It has worked very quickly for the babies of several friends of mine. Here is the original Question & Answer sequence that outlines the protocol:

Question:
Dear Jini,
Thank you so much for listening to our challenges with constipation. I totally appreciate your help. Our daughter is 7 months old – she has been constipated for approximately 3 months. For the last 3 months, she has had approximately a dozen unassisted bowel movements. We have to give her an enema for her to have a bowel movement. This happens usually every 3 or 4 days – sometimes we have waited over a week. However, the longer we wait the more agonizing it is for her.

When she was on just breastmilk, she had 3 – 4 movements/day – consistency like mustardy, fatty breast-milk movements. Now, I give her Enfamil A+ with Iron. There seems to be soy in the ingredients but otherwise I can’t tell. This is what we had when we were in the hospital. Also, we gave her pablum on the advice of both of our mothers to get her to sleep through the night. Perhaps a bit early at the 4 month mark.

We have tried many things to try and help her – prune juice, water, sugar water, fruit, vegetables, massage, (3 months of acupuncture and herbs – hundreds of dollars later…). Also at first we gave her suppositories, however it seemed to be a long term issue so we stopped to avoid dependency. Now we have to give her salt water enemas – otherwise she pushes and pushes to no avail – it is heart-wrenching to watch. The water seems to flush her system and enable her to pass stool more easily. It is painful for her. What she does pass are hard nuggets usually larger than a golf ball.

Our Chinese doctor says she has a weak spleen and digestive system. The acupuncture treatment, although good, seemed to be slow and we are running out of funds. Agh!! What to do? Jini, thanks so much for any thing you might be able to offer.
C. M.
Alberta, Canada

Answer:
Your poor little darling – it must be agonizing to have her go through this! When I started my daughter on solids at 5.5 months, she became constipated for up to 6 days at a time and it nearly killed me to watch her pass those HUGE solid bowel movements. So, based on all my knowledge and personal experience, here’s my opinion on what I think would work for your girl:

1. Immediately get her started on Natren brand’s Life Start (B.infantis) probiotic. 1/4 tsp. 3 times per day. Once she’s pooping regularly, cut it back to twice a day, and then after two months of that, cut it back to only 1/8 tsp. twice a day. Once she’s eight months old, add Natren’s MegaDophilus (L.acidophilus) probiotic (1/8 tsp) as well. The best way to give her the probiotics is to put them into a little dish, dip your finger in the dish and then let her suck your finger, rub it on her gums, etc. Give it to her on an empty stomach – 15 mins. before food or formula. If you can’t give it to her this way, you can add it to her formula bottle, but it will be less effective that way. Remember to keep the probiotics refrigerated at all times. DO NOT substitute another brand of probiotic – it has to be Natren for both safety and efficacy issues. Once bowel function has normalized, continue on the probiotics for at least 3 more months. Thereafter, use only once a day, or sporadically as needed.

2. Iron is very constipating (has anyone told you this?) so if you can get an iron-free formula, do so. If you’re worried about her getting enough iron, then just puree some cooked spinach, chard, or seaweed for her (you can add fruit or yams to it if she doesn’t like the taste straight). I prefer raw goat’s milk or raw cow’s milk to any formula, so try her with that if possible – or you can also get formulas that have goat milk as the protein source – if you can’t find one locally, then check the Internet. If you’re still breastfeeding, it would be best to simply cut out the formula altogether and just feed her solids and breastmilk. Do not give her soy-based formula. Soy blocks mineral absorption, depresses thyroid function and contains massive amounts of estrogen.

3. Every time you give her an enema, you’re disrupting the bacterial flora in her bowel. An unbalanced bacterial flora (too much bad bacteria) is the primary cause of constipation. So, the probiotics (good bacteria) will address this root cause of the problem, but as long as you keep giving the enemas, you’ll also be washing out a lot of the good bacteria. So, here are two ideas on how to get round this….(a) when you give her an enema, instead of putting salt in the water, put 1 tsp. of Life Start probiotic in the enema water and/or (b) when you first start her on the Natren’s probiotic, try to wait 4 days to give it a chance to implant and see if the probiotics alone will normalize bowel function that quickly. Also the next point will also help facilitate bowel movements….

4. For her cereal, take her off any rice or wheat cereal and give her oatmeal or barley cereal instead. Mix this cereal with 2 parts pureed fruit (i.e. 1 tbsp. cereal, 2 tbsp. fruit) and 1/4 tsp.- 1/2 tsp. of Udo’s Choice Ultimate Oil Blend or Flax Oil. Not only will the oil help her bowels, but it is fantastic for brain development, skin, connective tissue, nails, hair, etc. Get the Udo’s oil if possible or, if that’s too expensive, then just cold-pressed flax oil is also good. Mix it all with a good amount of warm water – as runny as you/she wish to make it.

5. Try to get her to drink as much water as possible. We always gave our daughter a bottle of water on her tray table with her meals, so she could drink as much as she liked whilst feeding and then we left her playing with the water at the end of the meal. If she can’t hold the bottle yet, then just keep offering it to her periodically whilst feeding her solids and then again at the end of the meal. Adding extra water to her formula will not have the same effect as her drinking pure water. When you take her out, don’t take a bottle of juice, take water (filtered or spring only).

6. At some point, I would also recommend you take her for a craniosacral treatment or two. Acupuncture is good as a long-term therapy, however, I think she would see more relief (and faster) from a craniosacral treatment. Craniosacral is usually done by massage therapists or osteopathic doctors, some chiropractors have also received certification in it. In the UK there are osteopathic hospitals where EVERY newborn recieves craniosacral treatments! Make sure the person you go to is certified and, ideally, experienced with babies. Check the Yellow Pages, or go to www.upledger.com and search for someone certified at Level II or higher. In the meantime, you or your husband can do loving, gentle colonic massage on her.

When these therapies begin to take effect, she may have multiple bowel movements for days in a row. This is a good thing as she probably has a lot stuck in there that needs to be cleaned out.

Important: The probiotics do not cause bowel movements, they NORMALIZE bowel function. If she were suffering from chronic diarrhea, the treatment would be the same. If she continues to have lots of bowel movements, or they’re really liquid for more than 10 days, then cut back the amount of oil in her cereal.

Anyway, hope that helps you out and please keep me posted on how it goes. The Natren probiotics are the key and banished my girl’s constipation in 2 days – but if we missed a dose (in the first 2 weeks of therapy), she would not have a bowel movement that day.

All the best,
Jini

Follow-Up Email:
WOW!!!! thank you so much for your reply. You are a wealth of
information. I am realizing there is so much we don’t know and it is
so hard to get good information. We have implemented a diet without rice, formula, and more pureed fruit and water since your last email. She has had two bowel movements a day for the last three days. This is such an improvement!! So, for now things are improving – however, it sounds like the Life Start would normalize her system and perhaps set a foundation for the years to come. I will keep you posted on how it goes and again thank you so much!!
C.M.
Alberta, Canada

Final Note from Jini:
It is over a year later as I write this, and this baby’s bowel movements have continued to be normal.

FOR OLDER CHILDREN: a constipation remedy that almost always works is to give them magnesium citrate – which is non-addictive and safe for long-term use. See my video for how to mix magnesium citrate into a shake for adults or kids:

Raw Nutrient Milkshake
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6Gt6BmXgnc

You can also add the magnesium to a smoothie – just add 1 tsp – 1 tbsp Udo’s or cold-pressed organic flax or hemp oil as well to help hold the powdered magnesium in suspension.

And give the shake on an empty stomach for best results. Start with a low amount (50 mg) and gradually work up to determine how much they need to produce a bowel movement. For long-term or more complicated constipation, I do recommend you get my book, Listen To Your Colon, which has complete instructions for various types of constipation and also long-term healing protocols so your child will eventually go naturally on their own, without intervention.

Okay, if you don’t scream with laughter at some point during this video, I’ll have to check you for a pulse.

Enjoy!

soar higher,

Jini

We recently had a joint birthday party at my place with 54 adults and 33 kids. So many people asked for my recipes that I’ve decided to post them here on my blog.

If you’re planning a party, this mix of recipes is ideal because:

1. They can be made over a 3-day stretch before the party, so you don’t get exhausted trying to prepare everything within a day.

2. There is a nice mix of flavors and textures – sure to please every palate.

3. Except for the Singapore Meatballs, everything is vegetarian – but equally appealing to meat eaters.

For the kids, I just put out a veggie and dip plate, a fruit plate, a big bowl of plain potato chips and ordered cheese pizza. The kids received no chemicals and their only sugar was a piece of birthday cake and 1 juice box (with their pizza). Hmmm…. do you think that had something to do with the fact that we did not have ONE fight, accident, injury, etc. from 4 pm – 11 pm and all 33 kids (aged 1 – 10) played happily? I know from my own kids, if I feed them good foods (no chemicals, minimal sugar), they don’t get crazy!

Anyway, here are the recipes. They are in the normal sized amounts for a regular family or small dinner party, so if you’re having a big party, just quadruple the recipes – Enjoy!

JINI’S CAESAR SALAD DRESSING

Ingredients:

2 egg yolks
5 cloves garlic – peeled
juice of 1 lemon
1 tbsp white vinegar
1/2 tsp worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp salt
pinch of pepper
1 tin of anchovies (50 grams), drained of oil (Millionaires brand is best)
1 cup very finely grated fresh parmigiano (parmesan) cheese from Italy
1.5 cups Italian extra virgin olive oil, at room temperature

1. Put egg yolks, garlic, lemon juice, vinegar, worcestershire, salt, pepper and anchovies in the blender and puree on low speed until liquid.

2. Keep blender running on low speed puree setting and add the olive oil in a VERY thin stream, until all the oil is gone and the dressing is now very thick.

3. Stir in the parmesan cheese.

4. Pour into wide mouth glass jar and store in the fridge. I find this dressing is fine if kept in the fridge for up to 2 months.

Mix well with romaine lettuce and then sprinkle more finely grated fresh parmesan on top. Add chicken or shrimp and you have a meal!

*Note: You must use Italian olive oil, italian parmigiano (parmesan) and very good quality anchovies for this dressing to taste right.

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SUPER CREAMY HUMMUS

Ingredients:
1 (12 oz) can chickpeas
1/4 cup tahini (from roasted seeds)
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
5 cloves of garlic
salt to taste

Garnish:
olive oil
parsley
chopped tomatoes

1.  First put the tahini and lemon juice into a blender and blend away until it’s frothy, white, and creamy.

2.  Add minced garlic and blend it into the cream

3. Open the cans of chickpeas, drain, and rinse them off in a strainer using cold water.

4.  Blend in chickpeas a little at a time until the cream has thickened, but isn’t too thick and is still pale. Add salt to taste. If it’s too thick, just add some filtered water and blend until consistency is .

5. Scoop the hummus into a bowl, sprinkle parsley and chopped tomatoes on top, and drizzle good olive oil over it. It’s best if served at room temperature or slightly warmer.

Note: The key to a good, creamy hummus is to emulsify the tahini in a water based liquid (or lemon juice) FIRST. This will NOT happen if you just put everything into a food processor all at once!

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HOT SPINACH ARTICHOKE DIP

Ingredients:

• 1 (14 ounce) can artichoke hearts, drained
• 1/3 cup grated Romano cheese
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 1 tablespoon minced garlic
• 1 (10 ounce) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained
• 1/3 cup cream cheese
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
• salt to taste

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease a 9×13 inch baking dish.

2. In a blender or food processor, place artichoke hearts, Romano cheese, Parmesan cheese and garlic . Pulse until chopped, but not ground. Set aside.

3. In a medium bowl, mix together spinach, heavy cream, sour cream and mozzarella cheese. Stir in artichoke mixture. Spoon into prepared baking dish.

4. Bake in the preheated oven for 20 to 25 minutes, or until top is lightly browned and cheese is melted and bubbly.

5. Garnish with fresh, diced tomatoes and serve with tortilla chips, or french bread rounds.

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JINI’S TABOULEH

Ingredients:

2 cups couscous, cooked and cooled
1 medium onion, finely diced
1 cup chopped parsley
1/2 cup fresh mint leaves, chopped (optional)
1 cup chopped fresh tomatoes, peeled
5 tablespoons (1/4 cup + 1 tablespoon) olive oil
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
salt to taste

To make 2 cups of cooked couscous:

Bring 1 cup of filtered water to a boil in a pot, along with 1 tsp of olive oil and 1/4 tsp salt. Stir in 2/3 cup of couscous and bring it back to a boil again. Then immediately put a lid on the saucepan and turn off the stove. Leave it sit for 10 minutes and then fluff with a fork and turn it into a bowl to cool off. When cooled, you can use it to make the Tabouleh.

Mix all ingredients together well and refrigerate.

Serve with pita bread, tortilla chips or as a side dish to a main meal.

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UPSCALE CHEESE LOG

Ingredients:

• 2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 cup shredded sharp Cheddar cheese
• 3 ounces blue cheese
• 1/2 cup butter, melted
• 1 tablespoon finely minced garlic
• 1/2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 cup finely chopped fresh black olives
• 2 tablespoons finely chopped green onions
• 1 cup chopped, roasted pecans

1. In a large bowl, mix the cream cheese, Cheddar cheese, blue cheese, melted butter, garlic, and Worcestershire sauce until mixed smoothly. Then stir in the olives and green onions until well mixed. Cover, and refrigerate 30 minutes, until firm.

2. Shape the mixture into logs 1.5 inches in diameter, and roll each in the pecans to coat.

3. Wrap each log in wax paper and then again in plastic wrap (this prevents the transfer of toxins from the plastic into the food).

Store in fridge or freezer

To Roast Pecans: Heat 2 tablespoons olive oil in a large frying pan, at medium heat. Add the pecans and stir constantly until they make a “pop” sound and/or smell like toasted nuts.

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SINGAPORE SWEET ‘N SOUR MEATBALLS

Ingredients:

* 1 pound ground beef
* 1 egg
* 1 onion, chopped
* 1 large carrot, diced very tiny
* 1 cup dry bread crumbs
* salt and pepper to taste
* 1 cup water
* 1/4 cup white vinegar
* 1/2 cup ketchup
* 2 tablespoons cornstarch
* 1/4 cup brown sugar or honey
* 3 tablespoons soy sauce

1. In a large bowl, combine beef, egg, onion, bread crumbs, salt and pepper. Roll into meatballs about 1 inch in size.

2. In a large skillet over medium heat, saute the meatballs until meatballs are browned on all sides.

3. In a separate medium bowl, mix together the water, vinegar, ketchup, cornstarch, carrots, sugar (or honey) and soy sauce. Pour over the meatballs, and allow sauce to thicken. Continue to heat until the sauce just starts to bubble.

4. Serve over rice.

Serves 5

p.s. we also served vegetable samosas at the party, which you can get from any “Little India” area of your city. Ours were from:

Calgary Sweets
113-7928 128 Street
Surrey, BC
(604) 591-9955

As parents, we are often faced with a child who doesn’t want to go to school, or soccer practice, or some other activity they are enrolled in.

Usually, our knee-jerk reaction is to trumpet on at them about “comittment!”. Thinking we are doing a good job by teaching our children the value of comittment, of sticking it out, of seeing things through.

Or, an alternative motivation behind achieving compliance might be, as I heard one parent say, “Life sucks. Better they find out now.” Erm….

At any rate, this is can also be a source of conflict between parents, as they often hold differing views on the appropriate way to handle a kid who says, “I’m not going!”

Since this seems to be such a common parenting challenge, I’ve decided to share my thoughts on this issue and some unedited, personal correspondence between my husband and I when we recently faced this issue with our eldest son Oscar, age 9.

From birth, Oscar has been a child with lots of fears. He hates any situation where he does not feel in control and therefore doesn’t feel safe. Unfortunately, in our culture, where children are not treated as fully cognizant human beings with essential rights and dignities, this happens often.

So our challenge as parents has been to do whatever it takes to make him feel safe, whilst slowly helping him to build confidence and security in the world.

This latest incidence was sparked by Oscar’s refusal to go the the first track meet of the season. Oscar had decided he would like to join the track team at school (his first time trying track & field, and his first time joining a school team). His Dad had been getting up early 3 times a week to drive him to track practice before school. After three weeks of practices, it was time to attend his first track meet competition after school.

However, early that morning, Oscar decided he didn’t want to go. I was still in bed (having been up late working the night before), by the time he came into my room, Oscar was so upset he refused to even go to school that day.

So, I kept him home with me – on the stipulation that he was not allowed to play with his homeschooled neighbour until 3 pm. I didn’t want to reward him for staying home, but I wanted him to be able to take a day off and not be forced into attending when he was so upset. We spent a long time talking about his feelings about track, the team, the coach, his feelings about his Dad, similar incidences in the past, etc. Then we did a mind/body acupuncture tapping method together called EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to release some of the fear and conflict he was feeling.

He spent the rest of the day playing with his 2 year old brother and re-doing a five-page homework assignment in hopes that he could resubmit it and get a better mark (he did).

However, my husband did not agree with my handling of this situation. He feels we should not allow Oscar’s fears to stop him, but should use various persuasive techniques to get him to ‘keep his commitments’.

If we were to do this, then let’s follow this “method” through to its natural conclusion:

- Oscar will quit unless we hammer him into going
- Oscar performs well after lots of pressure, cajoling, bribery from us
- Oscar can lie about his feelings, because he is a people-pleaser and he MOST wants to please his Dad, one of the most important people in his life. Oscar doesn’t want Dad or Grandad to feel bad. He wants the important people in his life to be happy and proud of him.

What do all of these points above have in common?

NONE of the motivation, desire, commitment etc. is coming from Oscar himself. It is all coming from external influences – i.e. the parents.

So what are we teaching Oscar through this method?

We can try to force, trick, cajole or control our child’s choices. Or we can view it as a process and be there as a support and guide as he discovers natural consequences to his actions and then asks self if that’s who he is? how he wants to live his life? etc.

Oscar had an excellent experience of consequences when his friend M. told him of his wins at the meet. Oscar was royally pissed off. This is good. This is actually positive and part of the process. This is a natural consequence.

Oscar also expressed some very valid feeling and fears when we discussed it in the morning. We did some EFT TAPPING on those fears. Do you think Oscar would participate in tapping – which he dislikes – if his fears weren’t real?

So, back to the natural conclusion of this method……

If we use these methods, we are teaching Oscar that:

1. He should do something, not because he wants to, or it’s in alignment with his goals and values as a human being, but because he’s weak enough to allow himself to be manipulated into performing the way SOMEONE ELSE wants him to behave. That’s a lesson that will serve him really well when the dominant presence in his life is not us, but his peer group. We’ll see really good results from that training when the person he most wants to please is not mum or dad, but his girlfriend, or the popular guys at school.

2. Better not try anything, because god help you if you decide you don’t like it anymore, or it’s too stressful, or just not what you expected. Because then your parents are going to FORCE you to keep going, because you made a COMMITMENT. So, best to just not try anything new, or join anymore group activities, ’cause it’s not worth the aggro.

If Oscar had come to me first that morning – before working himself into such a state of resistance and conflict with dad – he would most likely have chosen to attend the track meet.

Why?

Because my agenda is not to control him and get him to do what I think is best for him. My agenda is to find out what HE wants and talk to him about how his actions determine who he is in this world. And does he want his world to become bigger or smaller?

My agenda is to discover Oscar’s real concerns regarding the coaching and the dynamics of the other kids and how all that makes him feel. And then address those feelings using an effective tool like EFT. My agenda is to give him the FREEDOM and tools to achieve the freedom to be who HE wants to be in this life. NOT who I want him to be.

My agenda is to let him make some mistakes in his life, so he can learn about who he is, what he wants, and natural consequences of his actions. Rather than forcing, cajoling, bribing him to immediately produce the desired result (i.e. go to this track meet) I see this incidence as more than just whether he’ll go to the meet or not, no, it is far more valuable as a teaching and learning tool for Oscar’s development into a successful adult.

I am not looking to raise an obedient child who can be easily controlled by me and perform according to MY values, and what’s important to me.

I am looking to raise a strong, successful adult, who is cognizant of HIS values, what is important to him, and lives his life accordingly.

And what would be the natural conclusion of this method?

1. He will look to his OWN gut for wisdom about what he’s really feeling and what’s really important to him. Not to the dominant person in his life.

2. He will learn natural consequences for various actions NOW when the payback is not too damaging nor devastating. Why do you think most teenagers make such disastrous decisions and muck themselves up so badly? They haven’t had any practice! They’ve been CONTROLLED as children, rather than guided to find their own wisdom and ALLOWED to make good and BAD choices, so they experience the consequences and then revise future behaviour based on lessons learned.

3. He will learn the importance of using tools like dialoguing openly with someone he respects, EFT, connecting with his gut, to solve his problems and dilemmas.

4. Hopefully, over time, he will reduce his people-pleasing tendencies as he comes to put his own feelings and body wisdom before others. This will make him much happier in his life and also render him less susceptible to negative, persuasive influences. This will increase his integrity and authenticity as a successful human being in this life.

I hope that’s given you some ideas for dealing with this issue in your family, or at least sparked some good dialogue. Let me know your thoughts in the COMMENTS box below….

Soar higher,
Jini

Having just spent 6 weeks in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico – 1 month in a rented villa and 2 weeks in an all-inclusive resort – I have to say that my ideal vacation would be a perfect combination of the two:

• Spacious, QUIET (soundproof) accomodation with laundry facilities – available in two or three bdrm configurations to accomodate families.
• Comfortable furniture to relax on – not the cheap bamboo stuff with thin cushions you find in most rentals.
• Non-toxic pots and pans (i.e. no Teflon!) for if you want to make breakfast or a quick snack for the kids. And 100% cotton sheets – no xenoestrogens from polyester!
• All meals, snacks, drinks provided in the highest quality (i.e. fresh, unprocessed, no artificial flavors/colors). Or at least a few good restaurants onsite so you can do a non-stressful (yet cheaper) combination of cooking and easy eating out.
• Daily maid service.
• Beach with LOTS of shaded areas.
• Swimming pools with ozone or ionization filtrations systems rather than chlorine.

Anyone know of anywhere that fits the bill – other than fantasyland?

Jini

After everything I’ve done to avoid repeating the legacy of physical abuse that runs in my family, my eight-year-old son has just informed me that he would greatly prefer it if I could hit him, please, rather than using penalties (loss of playdates, etc.) as punishment.

“Why??” I ask.

“Because I like getting hit,” he says, “it’s fun.”

“But I don’t like hitting you,” I protest, greatly puzzled as to how getting hit could possibly be fun, “and you know I really don’t want to hit you in case I lose it and end up really hurting you.”

“But words don’t do anything, Mama” he says, “when I’ve got that bugger-energy, words mean nothing. You can give me whatever penalty you want and I don’t care. I can’t stop it. But if you hit me, then the energy from your hand drives the bugger-energy out of my body.”

“Then,” he continues, “you have to immediately start talking about something else. Don’t talk about what I was doing wrong, talk about something completely different – like getting a dog. Because if you keep going on about it – you know, like Daddy does – then the bugger-energy just comes back. Or it skips to someone else, like Zara or Hugo. But if you, right away, start talking about something else, then I can be loving and get back to normal and the bugger-energy stays away.”

I clarify, “Oh, so you mean you want me to take your mind off it right away by talking about something interesting.”

“Yes,” he says, “or fun; like what are we going to do today.”

I think on this rather startling information for a bit, then I say, “But I really don’t like hitting you, because it hurts my hand.”

“Well you don’t have to hit me hard,” he replies, “you know, you should really learn from Nana, she hits us three times, but none of them are hard – maybe all three add up to one of yours.”

I’m still having a really hard time getting my head round all this.

“But Oscar,” I say, “for me to get to the point where I’m going to hit you, I’m really angry, my rage is breaking out and I just wallop you. But if you hadn’t pushed me past what I can take, then I wouldn’t hit you in the first place.”

“I know,” says Oscar, “you should do what Mrs. Strong [his teacher] does. You get three warnings and then you have to go sit alone outside the class. So you could give me three warnings and then one hit. Before you get angry.”

“Oh, so you don’t need anger with the hit?”

“No,” he says, “and the anger makes it worse, because then I get angry too.”

“Okay, so three warnings, then one hit – not hard and no anger – then don’t talk about it, but immediately change the subject to something fun or happy. Is that it?”

“Yes,” he says, “And you can tell Daddy to do that too. But, oh man…Daddy is way too….you know, he just gives us chance after chance and then he still doesn’t hit us, he just raises his hand and shouts and then we run away. So that doesn’t work at all. He’s got to become… you know, more like you.”

“You mean more strict?” I ask.

“Yes, he’s got to say it and then right away do it. You have to do the actions. And if you ever don’t do the actions, then that’s it, we won’t listen to you after that.”

This parenting advice from my eight-year-old son, has really turned me on my head. Talk about torching pretty inviolate principles I’ve held since I was a child, when I vowed I would never hit my own children. And yet, he’s not requesting that I beat him in anger; resulting in fear, rage and humiliation. He’s not even asking me to physically hurt him.

But somehow, or for some reason (perhaps on the energetic plane) he’s telling me that the only way he can break free of the “bugger-energy” is if I spank him. And then I need to keep the bugger-energy from resettling on him or his siblings, by immediately directing his mind and energy to something fun, loving, happy, etc.

When Oscar talks about “bugger-energy” he’s referring to this horrible space or persona he gets into where he literally torments the members of our family. It is truly torturous and absolutely relentless in its intensity. I don’t know if other children do this to their parents or siblings – I know our other two don’t. Oh sure, they can be very naughty and difficult from time to time, but nowhere near the scale or intensity of Oscar’s behaviour.

To date, the only way to get him out of this space has been to lock him in his room – where he goes into a rage – and then when you feel the shift in his energy, ask him, “Are you ready to come out now and behave decently?”

When he’s ready to apologize and come out, he is the sweetest, gentlest, most helpful, loving, adorable boy on the planet. It’s like something builds up in him and he needs a catharsis. Then, once he’s had his catharsis and it’s cleared from his system, he simply oozes love and caring for the rest of the day. And all is pretty much fine (for days, weeks, or months) – until the next time.

I wonder too if this is a boy thing? Our daughter doesn’t do this, and our other son is only two and a half. Oscar didn’t start tormenting until he was four and it was at its worst in the year he was five. My younger brother (nine years younger than me) used to do this too. He would follow me around the house just bugging the crap out of me. Finally I would go and lock myself in my room to get away from him. And he would stay right outside my door harassing me for two hours (the longest I ever lasted) until I would finally come out and wallop him.

I asked my brother when he was in his twenties why he used to do this to me. His answer: “Oh, it was great fun, I liked to see how far I could push you before you would blow.”

I said, “You mean, if I would have blown a lot sooner, then that would have been fine, you would have just gone away?”

“Yep.”

This ‘spanking’ request from Oscar is also very interesting from the perspective of a parenting movement called Non-Violent Communication. Their premise is essentially that you don’t get a child to behave decently (caringly, lovingly, compassionately) via threat or execution of punishment. But rather, compliance is achieved through extensive dialoguing with the child, seeking to discern their need, desire, motivation, etc. And then explaining to them with compassion why their behaviour (hogging the slide at the playground, for example) is not a good idea. You’re supposed to persist in this manner until the child shifts their behaviour accordingly.

This method is very much in line with my principles (be the compassion you want to see in the world) and works well for most of our children, a lot of the time. The rest of the time, penalties (the small person’s equivalent of a speeding ticket) work well – and the children usually devise their own penalties and shoulder their responsibility willingly.

Then there’s Oscar: ‘Aw for heaven’s sake Mum, just wallop me would ya?’

Well, I’ll go ahead and try his ‘no-anger-spank-and-distract’ plan and let’s see if it works!

Personally, from what I’m learning from each of my kids and various methods of discipline is that the key is to teach, explore, discipline, etc. without anger. Anger turns a valid issue, or need, or violation of rights, into a power struggle. And then you all lose.

So for myself, my own self-discipline involves remembering and implementing these strategies before I start to get angry. And I will admit, I’m not there yet! Just last night I was incredibly tired and stressed (2 year-old Hugo had just run off and disappeared in the middle of town – we found him after a frantic search) and a conflict with Oscar was escalating.

It was actually Oscar who was the bigger person and stopped the conflagration cold by yelling, “Just hit me! Don’t you remember anything?? I need the hit!” So I grinned, said, “Doh!” delivered a smack to his leg (we were sitting down in a restaurant).

“Is that hard enough?” I asked.

“Yep.” he said. And we had a lovely cuddle and began talking about something else.

Update: It’s been one week and so far Oscar’s method is working like a charm. We’ve had three blowups averted thus far, quickly and painlessly (including the one outlined above), by using his method. As we’re on holiday (all together 24/7) this is actually the ideal time to test this. Let’s hope it continues for the long-term!

Jini

A POST FROM MY HUBBY IAN:

I am a more than useful member of this society. I am well educated, I create employment. I create and sell stuff to people that makes a difference to peoples lives, and in some cases stops them from dying. I believe in creating opportunities for people so they can create, make and have a better life for themselves. I do my bit for this planet in attempting to raise a functional family, with a functional relationship with my wife and kids – giving up my own self-centered drivers to put time into my kids (time = money in this society – so financially I am giving up many dollars).

I pay my taxes to get my garbage picked up, support police, fire and schools and all the other services I benefit from living here in Canada. I recycle, support local farmers, rather than the big chains (not all the time) for groceries, buy the healthier choice foods – supporting companies that I believe are also trying to make a difference. I don’t do drugs, beat people up, drink heavily, do not smoke at all, and so on. I probably do a few naughty things that I shouldn’t – but that is also normal from what I see!

So I am a pretty normal person trying to exist in my universe within the parameters of what Canada (or any other country) offers me in terms of a government.

So why is it that I had no interest in voting in the Canadian election a couple of weeks ago (mind you if you lived out here you would not really have guessed there was one)? It appears I was not alone as 4 out of 10 (probably also normal) people also chose not to vote.

Why did I not take my passions and support someone who I felt could make a difference – similar to what I believe and do?

Why did 4 out of 10 people in Canada also choose to make this same decision and to not bother?

The reason is simple: There was no one who I trusted and no one I believed could make a difference as the whole system is now about marketing and media and getting your message across to as many people to convert them to vote for you. Oversell and under-promise and under-deliver with corrupt methods of voting, and all the other bells and whistles you get with it. Because it is easy to just make an excuse as to why you did not follow through on what you said you would do.

Even the parties trying to make a difference make no difference whatsoever. I asked Jini who she voted for and the GREEN party was her reply (why was I not surprised!) They did not even win one seat! How could this happen?

My brother-in-law, Ricken tells me the only thing that keeps him going with what he is doing with Avaaz is hope. I believe him. However, hope is just a word. Hope is not an action. Actions are made by the few who control the masses. You cannot give up – I also agree. But you are fighting a system that is a system and that is what it will be forever – unless there is radical change by the people who control us and our lives.

And what about elections in the US?

If Candidate X wins and gets the electoral votes (even if it is less than 50% of the population who actually voted) and Candidate Y gets the rest (even if he gets more of the percentage of the vote than the Candidate X) – then how can the people who voted for Candidate Y be happy? Why should they be forced to be governed by someone they do not believe in or agree with? Even if they are good, normal members of society? How does this create harmony in a society, to create all the values that everyone always talks about?

But getting back to Canada, with everything that is now happening worldwide, surely it is now time for total reform in the way in which we live our lives. Surely the 4 out of 10 people have to be heard now that they are fed up with the way in which this whole system works and is mismanaged on an ongoing basis?

Our freedoms, our security, our family values and so on are continually put at risk, yet we are always told that we have the choice to be able to change things as long as we support what we want. This never happens. So you go back to your own universe and do the best you can with what you are thrown, whilst you are totally controlled by the system as they strip more rights away from you bit by bit.

Bottom line is – the whole political structure of our Western World is destined to failure. What is the point of giving people a choice in life if this choice is then lost? The whole political system eventually will fall apart because of this reason. You are creating divide between the system on an ongoing basis all the time and when you have continual split there is only one result – failure. Failure in our home, our families and communities and all the other nasty stuff that occurs in our societies.

I do not trust anyone in politics anymore unless there is change. I see it for what it REALLY is. A total sham. A marketing-media-money-making venture for people to live out their dreams as iconic leaders that will be looked at in many years to come as history lesson material and game show questions. The day-to-day nuts and bolts of living is discarded over time. Besides who cares in 20 years how many people lost their jobs because of a recession?

If there is a better moment in history for change, this now has to be it – for someone, somebody, something to create another option to the farcical offerings currently available.

I have no idea what it is or how to do it as I am just a normal person eking out a normal living for me and my family. However – no vote no more. My energy is best focused on what I AM DOING AND THE CHANGES I CAN MAKE TO MY FAMILY AND SOCIETY THAT I INTEGRATE WITH. No politician can help me do that.

But until the system changes, I am going to sit on the sidelines and let the continual to-ing and fro-ing go on from growth to collapse and so on….while everyone runs around fighting for the top dog spot and to make themselves as part of the history books as another leader….

Ian

Okay, time for a little rant here: How many of you still have your favorite board games from when you were a kid?

We have Monopoly, Sorry and Stock Ticker – all now over 30 years old and our kids play them over at Nana and Grandada’s house. The pieces haven’t broken, the cards are still in good shape, etc.

Old Version of Sorry – which my parents still use

Now, how about buying those same board games today?

First of all the boards are all chopped up into squares, folded 3 times, rather than just a nice, sturdy center fold. The boards are about half the thickness (or less), the pieces the cheapest plastic that break quickly and the cards are even wafer thin and poorly laminated – they bend (and stay bent) just from shuffling them normally!

New Version of Sorry That We Just Bought

Every board game we’ve bought in the last five years falls apart in no time. Oh, I lie, we did buy a special version of Scrabble 10 years ago (with real wooden pieces and holders) that’s still in great shape – although, no wait, the bag was crap so I had to sew a new one, which of course is still good (since I used good quality material and sewed it well).

My point is this: I would happily pay double, or triple the going rate for decent, old-style quality board games! And I bet I’m not alone in this.

If they can’t produce a good quality product at the current price point, then why don’t all these toy companies come out with “heirloom” versions of our favorite games? Charge us what the good quality products are worth and we’ll be happy to pay it.

Anyone work for a toy company??

Jini

Dr. Tullio Simoncini, an oncologist in Rome, specializes in pediatric cancers. He was so devastated seeing child after child die, and the suffering of the entire family, that he began praying to God to show him the way to heal these children. And of course, he kept researching and researching.

Well, he has discovered a CURE for cancer that works 90% of the time and it is so simple, it’s beautiful. It essentially involves treating the tumor or cancerous area with… baking soda!

Why does this treatment work? Because Dr. Simoncini maintains that cancer is a fungus. Therefore, just as millions of women who treat their Candida infections with baking soda have discovered, fungus is unable to live in an alkaline environment.

The 10% failure rate is due to bone cancers – they have been unable to come up with a way to get the baking soda inside the bone.

Dr. Simoncini explains this in person, on Doug Kaufmann’s TV show (p.s. I’ve been on Doug’s show twice and he has been educating people about fungus for a decade or longer):

Cancer Is A Fungus – Part 1

Cancer Is A Fungus – Part 2

You can also visit this site below and listen to a radio interview where Dr. John Apsley explains the baking soda treatment in detail and gives you the exact formula and delivery methods for different cancers. You can then take these formulations and instructions to your integrative medicine doctor and begin treatment if needed.

http://www.curenaturalicancro.com/rsbell-dr-apsley.html

Not surprisingly, Dr. Simoncini has since lost his medical license (he is currently in litigation to get it back), but regardless, there are dozens of clinics and hospitals in Rome and North of Rome who are continuing to implement his protocols. Keep an eye out as it won’t be long before Cancer Institutes, the FDA, Big Pharma and numerous others who make billions out of cancer treatment, or the “search for the cure” for cancer release “studies” discrediting his protocols. Unfortunately, a quick look at the past shows this happens with every natural remedy or protocol that is very effective. We just need to stay savvy and not be swayed by the propaganda when it comes down the pipe.

As those of you who have done any research on this topic know, there are actually numerous natural treatment protocols that are highly effective at curing cancer. However, this one wins the prize in my book, because not only is it so simple, it is very quick too.

Of course, as with healing any disease, you must then make the lifestyle, environmental and dietary changes necessary to prevent future fungal infection, if you want to remain cancer-free for the rest of your life. But then, this applies to all of us anyway.

Jini

Many of you may have already heard about the problems associated with salmon farms located in the ocean itself.

First of all, a really disgusting fact is that salmon raised in these conditions are not pink or red – their flesh is grey. But who would eat grey salmon right? So they feed them food pellets containing artificial orange dye, which makes their flesh a pale orangey-pink color. However, these synthetic colored pellets are then pooped out on the ocean floor in mass numbers, polluting the ocean.

Next, there is the problem of sea lice infestation in these salmon farms due to them being held in such unhealthy and unnatural conditions. But the real tragedy is that these sea lice are infecting the wild salmon population – which has disastrous consequences not only to the wild salmon, but to the entire ecosystem and food web connected to these wild salmon.

To understand exactly what happens and the detrimental cascade effect on the ecosystem, watch this excellent little film (very educational for kids too!):

http://www.watershed-watch.org/sealice.html

Jini

This post carries over from my previous post about the Mamma Mia Movie – so please read that post, along with the fabulous comments people posted below it, first.

Thanks so much to everyone for posting comments with such honesty on the Mamma Mia Movie post ! I am really enjoying this dialogue and it is freeing in that it is giving me some more understanding and ideas. First I want to address some of those comments:

Casey, thanks for sharing your feelings. You probably had a double-whammy because not only did you have a fulfilling career, you had a great creative outlet/expression too. I hope you’re finding ways to keep singing now, even if it’s just in your own kitchen! I took my guitar down to the beach with the kids the other day and that was really enjoyable. Gotta do more of that!

Nicole, your perspective is one that would never have occurred to me – but I can certainly see how you (and others) could feel that way. It doesn’t resonate with me at all, but I can understand it. So that definitely helps.

Corey, I’m really glad you shared your perspective too – I had forgotten that aspect of the career-woman thing. And yes, I remember in London how hard it was to get together with some people – you had to book 3-4 weeks in advance because everyone’s schedule was so busy and everyone was working so hard (and no one had kids at that time either). Maybe Tokyo was such a wonderful, unique environment because us ex-pats were so “thrown together by such a foreign culture/language”. In many ways, having such isolating barriers around us, made intimacy really easy and also made it occur rapidly. So, if we all move to Papua, New Guinea, we should be all set!

And maybe that’s the crux: The kind of friendship that suits me best (that I like the best) is to have between 1 – 3 very close, intimate friends – because I prefer deep rather than light. But perhaps those kinds of friendships mostly occur in microcosms that facilitate continual, close contact: school, university, ex-pat communities, communes, religious organizations, etc.

Perhaps the most valuable take-away for me is to stop pining for, or wasting energy trying to re-create a relationship like that in this environment (which is not conducive to intimacy), but to focus on enjoying what is possible in this kind of situation. And perhaps that involves stretching my concepts, or allowing myself to evolve and not just ‘put up with’, but actually find enjoyment in more fleeting, sporadic relationships. A kind of “take it where you can get it” and “enjoy it while it lasts” approach.

So what if that doesn’t resonate with my core self? I know that greater flexibility leads to greater happiness, so I’m going to embrace that here and see what happens.

The other aspect that’s emerged from this discussion is that of loss and betrayal. By the time you reach our age, MANY of us have been seriously dumped by a close friend we invested a lot of time and love into. And this makes us very hesitant to risk that kind of intimacy again.

I went for lunch with another Mum from my daughter’s class and she shared how there were 4 girlfriends she’s had since junior high school. She had remained in the same area she’d grown up in, as had all her close friends, so she really had a “tribe” and they were very close. But by the time each of them got married, one by one, the friendships fractured (one married a loser husband, the other got very wealthy with different interests, etc.) until she only had 1 friend remaining that she’s still close with. She’s now totally gun-shy about investing so much of her time and her self into friendships – having seen how easily they can fracture.

As she was telling me the saga, she kept exclaiming things like, “I can’t believe it!” She was really shocked that this kind of disintegration could happen in such a long-term friendship. At some point I leaned over and said to her, “Honey, you’re preaching to the choir here.” This exact same thing has happened to me with 3 different friends so far – all of whom I’d had deep friendships with for 10 years or more.

So, I think this is another factor that blocks intimacy in friendships. Personally, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are very few people who possess the functionality necessary to maintain an intimate relationship for any length of time. Witness the divorce rate.

If people are not skilled in negotiation, problem-solving and conflict-resolution, they will not be able to maintain a good quality intimate relationship for any length of time. I really believe it’s that simple. And if you weren’t taught those skills by your parents, then you have to take courses in them and practice them – and how many people do that?

So now when I meet people and start to become friends with them, I’ve become quite mercenary about assessing their level of functionality: What’s their romantic relationship like? How do they parent their children? Are they living a fulfilling life they’re satisfied with? Are they healthy?

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Who you are is speaking so loudly, I can’t hear what you’re saying.”

And that’s how I approach potential friends now. I don’t listen to their words. I look at their life for evidence that they are a functional, self-actualized, well-developed person. Because if they are not, I know there’s no way in hell they’ll be able to maintain a relationship with me.

Sadly, the majority of the time, the person’s life does not bear evidence of integrated personal, or interpersonal functionality. So then I either disengage, or I say to myself, “Well, it’s only a matter of time before this relationship blows up, but she’s fun, so I’m okay with that.” I find that if you’re forewarned that the friendship will disintegrate – or explode – it’s not too hurtful when it happens. It’s still sad and a shame, but it doesn’t cut deep.

Just more grist for the mill……

One last thing: When I went looking for a photo to put in this post, I found this article on the different types of friendships and it’s quite good. Based on this list, it’s obvious that my idea of “true friendship” and what I describe as “functionality” is what the author, Rajyeshwari Ghosh, describes as Self-Actualized Friendships:

Self-Actualized Friends – Friends in this group are the perfect combination and are very rare to find. These friends have an amazing appetite for intellectual conversation, are open to discuss about life experiences, take care of their own needs, have less complaints about life in general and respect others views of life. In addition to that, they will love to invest time to grow emotionally, professionally, intellectually, socially, and spiritually, know how to laugh and enjoy life also. These friends will not try to change others, but will appreciate and respect the differences. Probably, we will grow old with this group of friend. The friends in this group volunteer to give us feedback and advice about different aspects of life, not only because they care about us, but want positive things to happen in our lives.

Jini

I went to see the movie “Mamma Mia” a few days ago. I’d heard a lot about how it was so good, and how some people had seen it 10 times, etc. I knew that it was set to the music of ABBA and it was supposed to be really fun.

I actually was feeling really down on the day I saw it – I went to the afternoon showing and hoped it would cheer me up. I was hoping it would transport me to another reality for a few hours, one that didn’t contain demanding children, drudgery, chores, and work, work, work.

Boy, did it ever. The movie was set in the beautiful Greek Islands with lots of singing, dancing, good friends and a don’t-give-up-on-your-dreams theme. And I cried the whole way through it.

It was so depressing for me! I went to the Greek islands with my good friend Linda B. in my twenties and had a blast. Before I had children, I travelled the world – often at a moment’s notice.

That’s even how I met my husband. He was in Hong Kong and I was in Vancouver, on Wednesday he said, “If I send you a ticket, will you come?” Sure! We’d met on the phone and had never even seen a photo of each other. I arrived in Hong Kong on Sunday and 3 days later we were engaged. Six months later we were married. That was 13 years ago and he’s still the love of my life.

Dreams? Oh yeah, I know a lot about dreams and have always followed mine.

Singing and dancing? – yep, used to do a shitload of that. Even worked as a singer/songwriter in London, UK, for 3 years. Used to dance the night away. Last time was 9 years ago.

Old and dear friendships? – yep, got some of those too. My friend Corey and I went to Tokyo after university to shoot the International Fashion Shows – we had formed a photography business together our last year of university and so were sponsored by the Edmonton Journal newspaper to go cover the shows. Our friend Linda O. came over 6 months later and the three of us had the time of our lives for the next 2 years. Then Corey and I went to London and Linda O. went home to Canada.

And where are all my good friends today? – I’m in Vancouver, Linda B. is in Edmonton, Corey is in London and Linda O. became an evangelical Christian who wants nothing to do with her former self/life. I don’t have a single friend I can just call up and say, “Let’s go for coffee” – and we do.

And so the movie “Mamma Mia” made me cry, the entire way through it. Because it kept reminding me of what I used to have, who I used to be and how much FUN that was.

And I compared it to my life now – which is just filled with SO much drudgery. What changed? I had children. Three of them. And while I – standard sentiment, but still so true – love them tremendously and wouldn’t give them up for anything, still, the majority of my life, on certain days, feels like a giant piece of shit.

It is so wearing having to serve other people all day long, every day. It is so draining to have to do the same things, the same routines, day after day. It is excruciating never having even 24 hours off. Not being able to rest when you are tired, not being able to eat when you are hungry. Because the childrens’ needs come first – because they are too young to do much of anything for themselves yet.

I thought it was just me.

Until I went to my daughter Zara’s first day of grade one and talked to another mother there about the movie. “Oh yes,” she said, “It made me cry too. When I came home I wanted to change everything about my life.”

Then a group of us talked about how none of us had any friends. And I don’t mean friends-acquaintances, I mean bosom-friends. Why? Because none of us were living where we grew up, or went to university.

“It’s so hard to make friends now,” said one of the moms, “it’s like trying to find a boyfriend, you have to go out, talk about everything, see if you’re compatible… who has the time? And it’s exhausting. Still, you have to try…”

And even if you do manage to find a true friend – you never get to see them. They’re so busy and involved with their own families, there’s very little time left for true friendships. I also know this since I’ve found 2 such friends in the 8 years since I had children, and no, not one of them has ever popped out for coffee with me. And yes, I have asked. Repeatedly.

If I hadn’t had such great friendships in the past, I would have serious complex by now. But I choose to interpret their actions as: It’s not about me, it’s about their schedules, priorities, guilt complexes, lack of babysitters, or helpful husbands. I hope.

And I wonder: Why don’t all those women’s magazines write about this phenomena of “friendship in the global economy”? Hello – no one has any! Because we all move around and no one has the time. Women are supposed to value other women so much, but let me tell you, there’s no woman that can compete with a woman’s children.

I have 3 wee ones and A business, but I will do whatever it takes to go out with a friend. And I would love to pop out for coffee or lunch on a regular basis. I would LOVE to have a girlfriend to meet once a week to gossip, moan and dream with. But even my single friend (married, no kids) doesn’t have time in her schedule for that.

Is the real truth that women don’t value friendship as highly as all the women’s mags tell us we do? Or is it that women don’t feel worthy or entitled to take that time for just themselves? I honestly don’t know.

I do remember talking to a friend of mine (again, a very good friend who lives an hour away and whom I see about once every 6 months) and she said something rather arresting to me, “Jini,” she said, “You want the whole fruit basket, whereas most of us are happy with just an apple.”

So maybe it is just me.

Cause yeah, I do think I should be able to have fabulous, healthy children, travel, adventure, fun, romance and bone-deep friendships (in the same city). And I’m rather pissed off that I don’t.

Jini

My husband sent me a link to this article – he was astute enough to label it “how to use the media to spread fear”:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080821/hl_nm/measles_usa_dc

The article is supposedly letting us know that we’re in serious danger of a catastrophic measles outbreak now that many are choosing not to vaccinate their children.

HOWEVER, the last lines of the article completely obliterate everything they’ve just said, if you’re smart enough to catch it:

The last serious U.S. outbreak was in 1989-1991, when 55,000 people got measles and 123 died.

Hello?? That was BEFORE the anti-vaccination movement took hold, when nearly everyone was vaccinated.

So, read another way:

Now that many are choosing NOT to vaccinate, the 2006 measles outbreak was:

The CDC said 55 cases of measles were reported

and in 2008:

131 cases of measles have been reported, with 15 serious enough to be hospitalized, no deaths.

But back in 1989 when nearly everyone was vaccinating their children:

55,000 people got measles and 123 died.

Gee, do you think this ‘news article’ was pharmaceutical plant??

If you’re smart enough to ‘read between the lines’ and also check for original sources in news articles, you won’t be taken in by propaganda like this.

For lots more info on vaccination, see my article:

Should I Vaccinate My Child?

Jini

My eight year old son, Oscar, recently decided he just HAD to join an American Football team. So we contacted our local football league and I took him round the fieldhouse to give the deposit cheque and get him kitted out.

When they gave me his helmet, I was gobsmacked by how heavy it was and immediately said, “Wow! Do you see a lot of neck injuries from these things?” Oh no, they assured me, the kids soon get used to them and the neck muscles strengthen.

As the day wore on, my uneasiness increased, so I did a wee bit of research on the subject and guess what? My good old gut reaction had steered me right, yet again. So here’s the email I sent to the coach:

**************************************

Unfortunately, having now seen and felt the weight of the helmet, plus doing a good bit of research on the Internet. I strongly believe wearing a helmet of that weight is not safe for Oscar.

I’m not just concerned about overt damage to the cervical spine, which one can argue is infrequent. I’m more concerned with “undetectable” soft tissue, fascia and visceral damage.

I’m sure if we were to take that helmet to an osteopathic doctor they would have a lot to say about why a helmet of that proportionate weight is not a good idea for a developing child whose plates in their skull have not even closed (they do not close fully until age 20).

A pediatric head and neck injury review showed that in children under age 12, while the head is 90-95% of adult size, the neck is only 75-85% of adult size.*

This further compounds the strain on the neck and shows that for children, their necks are under more proportionate strain and pressure than adults. In addition, the report showed that their neck muscles are weaker to begin with.*

Oscar’s height is 4’2″ and his weight is 65 lbs. I believe the helmet (with face guard) he got weighs close to 7 or 8 lbs. – you’d have to check that though as the scale I have is not reliable. Don’t know how that compares proportionately to adult body weight vs. helmet weight. Would be interesting to check though!

Since the helmet is 10% (or more) of Oscar’s body weight, then the weight of a helmet on a 200 lb football player would have to be 20 lbs for that adult to be carrying a proportionate weight load – keeping in mind that his neck is 25% bigger and MUCH stronger, as well.

I tried to find weights of adult helmets on the Internet, but the only one I could find was an ebay listing for what looked like a fairly old adult helmet and its weight was stated as 5 lbs.

Combined with the fact that the body’s reflex when being charged, hit, etc is to lower the head, I don’t think teaching kids to keep their head up (to minimize risk of cervical spine damage) is going to be foolproof in the heat of the moment. In my experience (as a martial artist) it takes a considerable amount of time and practice to overcome an innate reflex.

I have spoken to Oscar about this and since I teach all my kids to – above all else – listen to their own body, I had him hold the helmet, do some deep breathing and ask his own body whether he felt the helmet was good for his body, or not.

He responded that when he held the helmet on his lap, his body said it was okay. But when he put it on his head, his body said it was not good.

Hence, he too has decided that playing for the Titans is not a good idea for him.

**************************************

If your child, teenager, etc. plays football or is considering it, this is definitely an issue you want to look at!

Jini

*Dr. Kathleen Klinich presented University of Michigan Transportation Research Institute (UMTRI) data that revealed that the head size of a child grows rapidly between ages 0 and 4 years, after which it grows more gradually. By age 4, the size of a child’s head (as indicated by head breadth,
depth and circumference) is 90% that of an adult and by age 12 it is 95% of adult size. It is not until age 20 that the bone plates of the skull fully close.

The neck, in contrast to the head, is only 75% of adult size at age 4 and 85% of adult size by age 12, according to UMTRI data. The head-volume to neck-area ratio at age 12 is still greater than what is seen for adults. In addition, Dr. Kristy Arbogast noted that the neck muscles of children are weaker than adults, and children’s neck ligaments can stretch more. She also pointed out that children bend their necks at higher vertebral levels than adults, and their vertebral joints are flatter so they don’t restrict forward motion as much as in adults.” 

SOURCE: Review of Pediatric Head and Neck Injury: Implications for Helmet Standards
Editors: Kristy B. Arbogast, Susan S. Margulies, Margie Patlak, Hal Fenner, Daniel J. Thomas

I was driving in the car the other day, with my five year old daughter, Zara.

“You know what I want to do when I grow up? I want to work in a store,” she announced.

“What kind of store?” I asked.

“A video store. Because I love movies.” she replied.

“Well…” I suggested, “Then instead of just working in a video store, why don’t you be the one who makes the movies? You could write them, act in them, produce them, whatever you wanted!”

Zara thought about my suggestion for a while, then let out a big sigh, “No, I think I’ll just be a Mom.”

“Oh really?” I laughed, “What do you like about being a Mom?? – the dishes, the laundry, the cooking, what?”

“Well,” she said, “When you’re a Mom, you get to buy as many books as you want. And you get to go to business meetings all the time.”

I laughed and laughed. Out of the mouth of babes and what little sponges they are! As a writer, books are my lifeblood, and yes, when we go to the bookstore, Zara gets to buy 2 books, and I get a big stack.

Since both my husband and I work from home, we go out several times a week for 3-4 hour business meetings over lunch. Our kids have obviously just absorbed the enjoyment and anticipation my hubby and I feel for our business meetings. And in their eyes, a ‘business meeting’ is now just about the best thing you can ever do. Of course, they are also picking up on the good spirits and high energy we come home with – since there’s few things that fire me and hubby up like a good brainstorming session, a long to-do list and an excellent meal with dessert.

My two year old Hugo, has also picked up on this. Today he walked into my office, grabbed a piece of paper, a pen and my calculator and announced, “I go business meeting!”

Too funny.

Jini

It’s a common stance that parents should limit the number of hours per day, or per week, that their children are allowed to stay sedentary and “zoned out” playing electronic games.

However, after reading this very fascinating blog post written by a teenager himself, I must admit I’m reconsidering the whole issue (the response from the boy’s mother is also a good one):

http://zajosa.blogspot.com/2008/04/problem-when-parents-think-childs.html

This second take on it, also brings in another angle I had also not previously considered: Why is it okay (and even encouraged) for children to lose themselves for hours in the fantasy world of a book, but not a video game? Of course, she addresses other important aspects too:

http://hablog.beverleypaine.com/2005/11/different-perspective-on-addicted-to.html

Fortunately, we don’t have a problem with this (yet!)- whether it’s because my kids aren’t teenagers, or because they’re very active, I guess time will tell! – but still, it’s good to be aware of the different viewpoints if the problem ever does arise.

I do think it’s also important to consider the radiation load of computer and especially High Definition TV viewing (HDTV is in the Super High Frequency Range according to NASA’s website – higher even than a cell phone) though.

So make sure kids are at least 2 feet away from any computer and as far away from the TV as you can get them. Also, don’t use wireless components, like a wireless mouse, keyboard or WII device. Again, these carry a similar electromagnetic radiation load to a cell phone.

And if you want to know what’s wrong with cell phones and cordless phones, and why children should never use them, see my other post:

http://www.colicinfant.com/blog/health-help/children-should-never-use-cell-phones/

I find with my kids it also helps to tune them into what their bodies are feeling. Asking things like, “How does your head feel?” or “How are your eyes?” after a gaming session. And then sharing common experiences like ‘fuzzy head’, reduced long-range vision, etc. can help tune them in to looking out for the welfare of their physical body as well – not just their mind and emotional needs.

Jini

Did you know that brain tumours are now the leading cause of death in children? In the UK and Europe, child brain tumor rates have increased 40% in the last 20 years.

The Toronto Dept of Public Health is finally acting on reams of research and has issued a warning to children not to use cell phones.

However, what most people don’t know is that CORDLESS phones (in your house) carry the same radiation load as a cell phone.

So don’t let your kids (or yourself) use either of them!

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/08/09/why-children-and-teens-should-stay-away-from-cell-phones.aspx?source=nl

Also, this director of a Cancer Center in Pittsburgh has warned his entire staff not to use cell phones (or cordless phones):

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080723/ap_on_he_me/cell_phone_warning

Help spread the word, as most people are not aware of this……

Jini

This reporter in England, Chris Jeavans, has committed to going a full month without buying anything plastic – this means nothing wrapped or packaged in plastic either.

She also has a toddler still in diapers.

So their household is probably pretty typical of what most of us go through and our needs. This, of course, makes her experiment very interesting and possibly inspiring to the rest of us. You can read all about it on her blog:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/monthwithoutplastic/

For ourselves, we’ve been plastic-free when it comes to eating and drinking for a couple of years now. Of course, we still have a LONG way to go to getting 100% plastic-free. But here’s my list of how replace your plastics, yet still keep your life fairly convenient:

• Replace tupperware and plastic bags, plastic storage containers, the need for clingwrap etc. by buying stainless steel containers with airtight lids from your city’s Little India. They come in all sizes from very small (kids snack size), to big enough to hold dinner’s leftovers. And they’re very cheap.
• You can also replace all those plastic cups, plates, bowls, etc. that you give to your wee ones (afraid they’ll break real dishes) with perfect replicas in stainless steel from, again, Little India and again, they’re very reasonably priced. If Indians tend to own Dollar Stores in your town, you can often find them there as well. My kids have their own cupboard with these dishes for their and friends’ use throughout the day.
• Instead of using plastic bags for your garbage – buy biodegradable ones (often made from corn). Yes, these are more expensive, however, if you buy in bulk from the Internet, the price is a LOT cheaper than if you buy them at your local organic grocer.
• Don’t buy any clothing made from synthetic (plastic) fabrics like polyester, nylon, etc. Even with spandex and lycra, my personal rule is ideally no more than 2%, but 5% maximum. Dress yourself and kids in natural fabrics only like cotton, rayon, viscose, linen, silk. Not only does this prevent more plastic from going into our environment, but it also prevents xenoestrogens and other toxins from being absorbed through our skin.
• Lastly, replace bottled water and lunchbag plastic water bottles with stainless steel versions (often sold at camping stores and becoming more popular with other retailers too).

Now if I could only get my kids to stop buying plastic toys…..

Jini

I often get emails from my readers who are vegetarian or vegan and struggling to heal. Much as I respect the ideological and environmental motivators for veggie diets, in physical terms, they are simply not good for the human body.

Dr. Weston A. Price was a dentist in the 1920′s who spent 10 years of his retirement travelling the globe – looking for tribes or villages of people who were extremely healthy. He defined ‘healthy’ as having no degenerative disease and a cavity rate of less than 1%. Pretty good standards if you ask me!

Whenever he found a group of people who met these requirements (from Swiss villages, to Inuit, to African tribes) he studied them, paying particular attention to what they ate. If you would like to read his flagship book on this, it’s called Nutrition and Physical Degeneration (available at Amazon.com) and it’s fantastic.

After studying these incredibly healthy groups of people from various locations around the world, he concluded that there were certain key dietary factors that they all had in common, which resulted in their superb health:

“Price took samples of native foods home with him to Cleveland and studied them in his laboratory. He found that these diets contained at least four times the minerals and water soluble vitamins–vitamin C and B complex–as the American diet of his day. Price would undoubtedly find a greater discrepancy in the 1990s due to continual depletion of our soils through industrial farming practices. What’s more, among traditional populations, grains and tubers were prepared in ways that increased vitamin content and made minerals more available–soaking, fermenting, sprouting and sour leavening.

It was when Price analyzed the fat soluble vitamins that he got a real surprise. The diets of healthy native groups contained at least ten times more vitamin A and vitamin D than the American diet of his day! These vitamins are found only in animal fats–butter, lard, egg yolks, fish oils and foods with fat-rich cellular membranes like liver and other organ meats, fish eggs and shell fish.

Price referred to the fat soluble vitamins as “catalysts” or “activators” upon which the assimilation of all the other nutrients depended–protein, minerals and vitamins. In other words, without the dietary factors found in animal fats, all the other nutrients largely go to waste.

Price also discovered another fat soluble vitamin that was a more powerful catalyst for nutrient absorption than vitamins A and D. He called it “Activator X” (now believed to be vitamin K2). All the healthy groups Price studied had the X Factor in their diets. It could be found in certain special foods which these people considered sacred–cod liver oil, fish eggs, organ meats and the deep yellow Spring and Fall butter from cows eating rapidly growing green grass. When the snows melted and the cows could go up to the rich pastures above their village, the Swiss placed a bowl of such butter on the church altar and lit a wick in it. The Masai set fire to yellow fields so that new grass could grow for their cows. Hunter-gatherers always ate the organ meats of the game they killed–often raw. Liver was held to be sacred by many African tribes. The Eskimos and many Indian tribes put a very high value on fish eggs.”

- Excerpted from the article Ancient Dietary Wisdom for Tomorrow’s Children by Sally Fallon:
http://www.westonaprice.org/traditional_diets/ancient_dietary_wisdom.html

Another explorer who studied native Indian tribes of the Pacific Northwest (and was very impressed with their tall, incredibly strong physiques) found that 80% of their calories came from animal fat. You can read the whole article about that here:
http://www.westonaprice.org/traditional_diets/native_americans.html

For ongoing health, Dr. Hal Huggins recommends that 40% of your calories come from animal fat. He recommends organic butter primarily and some fish oil. Make sure butter is certified organic (and ideally raw and pasture-fed) since all of the cow’s toxins, antibiotics, growth hormones, etc. will go through to the breastmilk and therefore the butter.

It’s very easy to get your daily quota of animal fat from organic butter – this works out to about 1/4 pound per day. Here’s some great and tasty ways to do it:

• Slather cooked veggies, rice, cous-cous or pasta in salted butter.
• Put as much butter as you can on all ‘bread’ items; bread, toast, muffins, scones etc. I love unsalted organic butter about 1/8″ thick either plain on muffins or with jam on toast or scones – it just tastes like lovely cream, yum-yum. I also really like unsalted butter (almost that thick) on crackers topped with a slice of raw cheddar.
• Anytime you fry meat, fry it in butter, add some garlic and nothing tastes better.
• Pan fry, bake, (or steam) any white fish in lots of butter and a bit of soy sauce – enough melted butter to make a ‘gravy’ that you eat with the fish. Sprinkle fish with garlic powder too, if you like. You’ll be amazed at how good this tastes.
• Use the same ingredients (butter, soy sauce, garlic) and sautee shiitake mushrooms – this is a Japanese recipe called simply “Shiitake Butter”. Kids also love these.
• Melt butter into your homemade bone broths – double nutrient whammy with the gelatin and butter and the butter improves the flavor of the broth.
• Scramble 2 eggs in 2 tablespoons of butter. If you have bacon fat from pasture-raised, organic, natural bacon, that too tastes divine. Add an extra egg yolk or two to the scramble.

Another great way to get extra animal fat into kids is via egg yolks. Whether you add them to smoothies, or scramble them in the pan, always add an extra yolk or two for every whole egg. Again, especially if you’re eating them raw, make sure they’re organic.

These are just a few of the ways you can easily and deliciously incorporate a good amount of animal fat back into your diet. I know, it will be hard at first, so start slowly and gradually build up. It takes time to combat the absolute avalanche of “animal/saturated fat is evil and will kill you” propaganda that surrounds us. But don’t worry, your health and tastebuds will soon convince you that you’re on the right path.

After 3-6 months of getting enough animal fat from your diet, you will see an improvement in your skin and hair. After a year or two, you will likely appear to be “reverse aging”. You will see an improvement in your kids’ brain function, less ADD or ADHD behaviour, and a great improvement in their physique.

Other healthy oils that benefit your and your child’s body are:

• Cod liver oil
• Unrefined coconut oil
• Virgin Organic Olive Oil
• Udo’s Oil

For some really great articles on what exactly is wrong with veggie diets and the specific ways they damage your health please see:

http://www.chetday.com/vegetarianarticles.htm

Note: We are now carrying the High Vitamin Butter Oil recommended by Dr. Price in the Holistic Health Shoppe: http://www.holistichealthshoppe.com/index.php#55

soar higher,
Jini

My 3 Sunscreen-Free Kids in Puerto Vallarta

Hopefully, many of you have already heard about why putting sunscreen on your skin – or children’s skin – is actually damaging it.

Sunscreen may reduce the outward appearance of damage (i.e. it takes longer for your kids skin to look and feel sunburned), but what you’re not taking into account is:

• what’s happening underneath the top, visible layer of skin.
• the damage that’s being done, not only to the layers of skin, but also systemically, by the harmful chemicals in sunscreen.

The latest data on the damage done by sunscreens is provided by a massive study done by the Environmental Working Group (EWG) where they tested nearly 1,000 sunscreen lotions.

There is also significant data from numerous countries showing that skin cancer rates have increased significantly as sunscreen use has become more widespread. Again, this is likely due to:

• the damage to the skin by UVA rays (which are not blocked by sunscreen).
• damage by the toxic and often carcinogenic chemicals used in the sunscreen lotion itself.
• the fact that sunscreens prevent the body from making vitamin D from sunshine – a crucial vitamin in cancer-defense.

So What Can We Do?

For myself and my kids, I have never used sunscreen on any of us. And we spend up to 2 months at a time in places like Hawaii and Mexico.

The first thing you need to do is stop thinking like a white person. Next time you’re in a hot country, look around you. Do you see any local people lying out in direct sunlight? Ethnic people sit and lie in the shade. They wear hats and long loose clothing if they’re going to be out in direct sunlight. Learn to think and act like a native.

When we go to the beach, we always spread our blanket under a palm tree or an umbrella. When the kids are actually swimming in the ocean is when they get the direct exposure, but that’s okay, because it’s not continual and it’s in balance.

Now, my kids are 1/4 Indian, so obviously they have a genetic advantage there that keeps them from burning as quickly as a white-skinned redhead, for example. But, you simply have to listen to your body. When your skin starts turning pink, that’s your body wisdom telling you that you’ve had enough sun for the day. LISTEN to it!

Lastly, eat as much fish oil, organic butter and omega-3 oils as you can. These natural fats are not only crucial for whole-body health, they greatly increase your body’s ability to prevent skin cancer. Getting enough antioxidants also helps your skin tolerate the sun better – vitamin E, C, grapeseed extract, pycnogenol, etc.

A scientific review done by researchers at Boston University Medical Center examined the basic mechanisms of how vitamin E works on the skin. They concluded that vitamin E used topically and consumed orally can help protect the skin from tumors and act as a barrier against sun damage. (Thiele JJ, Ekanayake-Mudiyanselage S. Mol Aspects Med. 2007 Oct-Dec;28(5-6):646-67.)

The second study, done at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York, found that a high concentration of the non-esterified vitamin E inhibits UV damage, sunburn, tanning and the development of skin cancer. There is also evidence that topically applied vitamin E can help repair previous damage to the skin’s surface. (Burke KE. Dermatol Ther. 2007 Sep-Oct;20(5):314-21.)

For actual stats and studies backing up all of the information above, here are some sources:

http://www.ewg.org/node/26212

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/mostsunscreensfailtoprotect

http://search.mercola.com/Results.aspx?q=sunscreen&k=sunscreen

Personally, although I’ve never seen any research on this, my intuition tells me that exposing babies to as much sunshine as you can (in safe amounts) from newborn on up, will help their skin cells to “learn” how to deal with sun exposure and possibly even increase the amount of melanin in their skin. As I said, I haven’t seen any scientific data on this, it’s just my own body wisdom, and I’ve followed it with all 3 of my children.

However, we also eat the foods (and supplements) outlined above, so I’m sure that has a lot to do with their ability to handle sun exposure with no burning, tenderness, etc.

Stay well,
Jini

I’ve been thinking and reading a bit about homeschooling (also known as “unschooling”) lately and am feeling myself gradually coming round to embracing the idea more and more.

I think, like many parents, my number one fear is: What will I do with the kids around ALL day, every day?? How will I ever get any work done?

So, it’s interesting that a consultation client of mine is also facing this same issue of homeschooling vs. normal school with his 12 year old daughter (details changed to protect identity, of course). He writes:

We hope to get her back to school (a much better one than before) in September. However, if she’s still not well enough, she won’t be able to go. To what extent her illness is all part of a way to avoid something she sees as unpleasant, is something we have to bear in mind. But it’s not easy to handle the thin line between encouragement to go back to school and letting her off because of her illness.

So this is what I wrote back:

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Let’s turn this around and have you ask yourself: Does my daughter have to develop an incapacitating disease before I will listen to her and allow her to follow her path/wisdom?

Examine the reasons you are so keen on her attending school: Are you worried about her socialization? Financial reasons? Is it putting a burden on your time and reducing your income having her around the house? And then I suggest you have some honest discussions with her about your fears. And listen to her reasons why she doesn’t want to go to school. Then do some solid research into homeschooling, or as it is often called: unschooling.

You may be surprised and perhaps even liberated at what you discover. My brother had fellow students at both Oxford and Harvard who were homeschooled. I read an article once that highlighted how many of the ivy league schools in the States were headhunting homeschooled students – since their minds functioned better.

A friend of mine, Naomi Aldort PhD, unschooled all 3 of her children – the youngest is a concert cellist, the middle one in college and the eldest in University – however, their university is mostly a social event for them and doesn’t detract from their true ambitions which encompass things like filmmaking.

Instead of seeing your daughter as attempting to “get out of” going to school, if you can look at it from the angle of: What if my daughter is wiser than me? What if her whole gut and spirit is telling her something I can’t see yet? That may change your dialogue.

***************************************

Well, something for all of us to think about…

I had a lot of trouble figuring out how to upload photos to the new WordPress 2.5 blog.

So, in case I can shorten the learning curve for anyone else, here is my research and what worked.

1/
First, in case you just need to know exactly how to insert a photo into a blog posting:

VIDEO TUTORIAL:

http://wordpress.org/development/2008/03/wordpress-25-rc2/

SCREENSHOT TUTORIAL:

http://mikecane2008.wordpress.com/2008/04/05/howto-upload-photos-to-wordpress-25/

- this tutorial contains additional instructions for how to set it up properly to upload photos from your computer. So be sure and go through both.

2/
Now, if you’ve followed these instructions and it’s still not working, here are some possible solutions:

PROBLEMS/SOLUTIONS:

This first one is most likely to solve the problem and is from:
http://joshhighland.com/blog/2008/03/30/wordpress-25-image-upload-problem-solved/

Something was for sure messed it. I tried it in several browsers, but had the same results. no luck. I started to go some searching online but since wordpress 2.5 is so new, there was little info to be found. After about an hour of stumbeling around I came across a post on a forum where someone said they got the image upload to work by adjusting their .htaccess file on thier site with the following code.

NOTE: change all the regular brackets ( ) to html code brackets < > when you implement this (I couldn’t use them here as they would screw up the blog code)

(IfModule mod_security.c)
(Files async-upload.php)
SecFilterEngine Off
SecFilterScanPOST Off
(/Files)
(/IfModule)

I made the change to my .htaccess file, and like magic the image upload feature started to work again!

I am making this post in the hopes that other people with similar problems will stumble across this post and be able to fix their problem with out having to wade through all the pages of people trying to diagnose what the problem is when the solution is super easy.

**********************************************

This sounds basic, but it happens all the time with word press and firefox. DO you have the latest version of firefox? Did you try closing down your window and reopening firefox and see if it works?

Can you try it on IE and see if it works?

There are often conflicts with firefox, even though I use it too. But whenever i have a problem like this that should not be happening, I always go check in IE, and then start checking my browser versions, reboot, etc. Then I look to re-install or check for something corrupt in the install.

**********************************************

If you try all the above and it still doesn’t work and your photo does not appear in your post, then check to see if it has at least been uploaded to the GALLERY.

If it has, then click SHOW ALL for the photo you want to feature.

Then copy the LINK URL for that photo and post that URL into your blog post using the img src=”URL” tag.

So, for example, it would look like this – but just change the regular brackets ( ) to html brackets < >. I can’t use the html brackets here as the blog reads it as code:

(img src=”http://www.colicinfant.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/3onbeachfinal.jpg”)

hope that helps!

**********************************************

Now, I’m a newbie to blogging, so please don’t post any questions here – they will NOT be answered!

But, if you have some more ideas, or advice for people that might be having problems, then please post your comments.

all the best,
Jini

Many of you are already familiar with certain concepts of holistic dentistry, such as: mercury is poisonous, root canals promote ongoing infection, flouride is toxic, etc. Since that information is widely available and there is LOTS of documentation on it, I wanted this teleseminar to be more advanced and specific.

Left-click on the link to listen or read, right-click to download

Click Here to LISTEN to the Holistic Dental Health Teleseminar with Dr. Hal Huggins, DDS, MSc

Click Here to READ the Transcript of the Teleseminar

So here is just a sampling of some of the topics covered and questions answered in this FANTASTIC teleseminar:

• What kind of mercury detox protocol is safe for people with existing chronic illness – to avoid triggering a flare?
• What are safe alternatives to root canals? Are implants safe?
• How to avoid tooth decay in the first place – is there a special diet or supplements we can take to improve our tooth enamel and prevent decay from occurring?
• Crowns, bridges and implants – are these safe for our bodies from a holistic point of view and which materials are safe to use?
• What are good dental materials (for crowns, onlays) for the chemically sensitive?
• I have a chronic sinus infection in my right sinus. , plus I have a root canal in the upper right quadrant–is it possible these 2 things are connected?
• If a mercury filling was removed and replaced with a composite, is there a possibility that mercury residue still exists under the new filling?
• I’m extremely chemically sensitive (Multiple Chemical Sensitivities). What is the least chemically reactive material for fillings and what brand makes it? Do you recommend Heliomolar? Which composite materials would you recommend for fillings, which ones do you consider safe and durable?
• When and how often should teeth be brushed in order to maintain optimal dental health?
• What is your opinion on using unrefined sea salt instead of toothpaste?
• Nearly all commercial toothpastes contain glycerin – should we avoid this?
• Should we go for regular teeth cleanings to a dental hygienist? Are there any safe ways to remove tooth tartar that you would recommend?
• Are there any safe ways to whiten teeth that you would recommend? What is your opinion on hydrogen peroxide and sodium bicarbonate (baking soda) as tooth-whitening agents?
• What do you think of Dr. Gerard F. Judd and his findings and recommendations?
• What do you think of Dr. Weston A. Price and his findings and recommendations?
• Can tooth enamel regenerate? If so, what can be done to stimulate and support tooth enamel regeneration?

I have read and researched extensively on alternatives to modern dentistry and holistic ways of caring for our teeth, gums and improving our dental health – so I’m pretty confident when I say that NOWHERE else will you find this depth and specificity of information on what you can do to take charge of this area of your health.

Dr. Hal A. Huggins DDS, MSc has both a Dentistry degree and a Master’s degree in Immunology, plus over 40 years of research and experience in Holistic Dentistry – both in an academic and clinical setting. I think the fact that he views dentistry from the perspective of “What does this do to the immune system?” is why he has been able to develop such powerful protocols. He is a wealth of helpful, healing information and he shares many key cornerstones of his dental health protocol here.

This teleseminar blew me away, and that’s why I’m giving it to you as a gift. Use it to move your health to the next level. And share it with all your family and friends!

Left-click on the link to listen or read, right-click to download

Click Here to LISTEN to the Holistic Dental Health Teleseminar with Dr. Hal Huggins, DDS, MSc

Click Here to READ the Transcript of the Teleseminar

You can find out more about Dr. Huggins, his dozens of books, and referrals to a dentist trained in his protocols, on his website: www.drhuggins.com

NOTE: The 120 page manual that Dr. Huggins refers to in this teleseminar, that you can use with your dentist, is called the Client Education Pack.

UPDATE: You can also watch my video on YouTube on how I solved my kids’ tooth decay problem!

Soar higher,
Jini

My husband Ian had a brainstorm thursday night and suggested we drive to California for what’s left of Spring Break. So, adventurous souls that we are, we pack up the car and leave friday. Here’s what happened:

We want to leave at around 7:30 pm and drive for as long as we can while kiddies asleep.

However, don’t get out the driveway till 10:20.

Hugo (22 months) cranky as hell from sleep being disturbed.

Keeps whacking Oscar (7 yrs old) in the head.

Oscar complaining that he just wants to have a good night’s sleep in his bed.

Zara (5 yrs old) lies down on the pile of pillows in the back and she’s out.

Realize we have no US accident health insurance.

I’m on a new/concentrated food-based probiotic experiment which creates the most foul smelling gas in the universe. Let blow with the first fart.

Ian says “No way I’m driving all the way to California in this smell!!!”

Hugo now running a fever.

Clear customs, scrinched around in my seat – arm’s killing me – so Hugo can hold my hand.

Gas up in Bellingham, Hugo has mucus coming out his eyes – major bad sign that sinuses are not draining, so ear infection likely to follow.

Go to change Hugo’s diaper, he’s peed through all his clothes, car seat etc (had him on vit. C which acts as diuretic).

I’m gassing the inside of the car, while Ian’s gassing the tank.

Drive over to Fred Meyer so I can use the toilet.

As soon as I leave the car, Hugo starts yelling “Mama!”

Ian: She’s just in the toliet

Hugo: MAMA!!

Ian: ssshh, mama’s coming back, she’s just in the toilet

Hugo: MAMA!!

Ian gives up explaining and sits there for five minutes with Hugo yelling MAMA!! every 10 seconds.

I come back and Ian goes to toilet

Ian comes back and gets in the car, I’ve let blow another corker while he’s been gone.

Oscar succinctly sums up what we’re all thinking: “This sucks!”

We all agree and turn around and drive home

The happy ending is: all 3 kids asleep and transferred to their beds by 11:30 – which is half an hour earlier than it normally takes me to get all 3 asleep (thanks to night-owl Zara).

Oh well, maybe we’ll try again when Hugo’s five.

I have a number of friends who have chosen to remain childless. And indeed, this is a growing trend in the Western world.

Recently, I received an email from a friend of mine who has been staunchly committed to not having children her entire adulthood, who is now reconsidering at the age of 45.

Her boyfriend of four years has decided he definitely wants to have a child. So she is now, for the first time, reconsidering whether she should agree to a child, or say goodbye to a good man.

She asked me for my thoughts (as a good friend and mother of three) and here is my reply. For the sake of anonymity, I’m going to call my friend Suzanne and her boyfriend Keith:

Dear Suzanne,

I certainly understand Keith’s insistence on children. But let’s be realistic, no one, no matter what age they are, can guarantee fertility. Especially nowadays with infertility skyrocketing. Just look how many twins are around now – a good indicator that fertility was medically assisted.

Look at Ian [my husband] and I – we both said we wanted kids. But neither of us had fertility-testing. If one of us was infertile, would we have divorced? Hell no. Personally, I think the desire for relationship has to come first and the desire for kids second. I mean, what about adoption?

How much time has Keith actually spent around babies, young children? Has he ever taken care of a baby or toddler on his OWN for 4 hours even?? So many people have a romanticized view of ‘progeny’, but when the reality hits, it’s a very different story. Come over here for a visit, and we’ll leave you guys alone with our kids for 6 hours a day, for a few days. And then Keith can see what the reality is! And NO, it is NOT different when they’re your own! My mum used to say that, and it’s a crock. Of course your love and connection is different, but the physical reality/demands are the same – except worse, because babysitting ends and you get to go home for a good night’s sleep. With parenting, the first stretch of “babysitting” lasts about 3 years, 24/7, until you get a good night’s sleep.

And so, you’re absolutely right to have your concerns about being left with primary responsibility for the child. Because here’s the other reality: YOU will be the primary caregiver during the first year, at least. Because breastfeeding (HUGELY important for child’s ongoing health into adulthood) is something only you can do. You’re going to be the one up at nights and sacrificing endlessly – unless you can pump into bottles and have him do the feedings. But then, realistically, if he’s the one going to work and earning all the money, he can’t be up all night – so it will still have to be you.

Oh……how to even get into all the nitty-gritty……

My brother told me of a study where they polled parents after they’d had kids and something like 74% of them said, that knowing what they know now, they would not have chosen to have children.

But it’s like one of those things that I (or any other parent) CANNOT possibly explain or transmit understanding of, until you’ve done it. And you will not be capable of understanding, until you’ve done it. You just CANNOT conceive of the amount of sacrifice required to be a GOOD parent.

Now, one thing I can say, is that it’s only really brutal for the first 3 years. Then, there are MANY more blessings and gems than sacrifice and grind.

So I guess a good question to ask yourself is: Am I willing to give up EVERYTHING for 3 years?

And yes, I think you also need to be prepared and willing to be a single mom. Divorce aside, what if Keith dies?

So, if I were to respond from a reality-based viewpoint I would say: Don’t have kids unless you desperately need them. Note I didn’t say “want” or “like”.

However, if I’m looking from a spiritual viewpoint, then I can say that having a child will completely smash you to pieces and you will have to rebuild yourself into a new person. It is the phoenix-rising-from-the-ashes. And so the new you will be SO much wiser, bigger-hearted, compassionate, tolerant, patient, etc. than the old you. So if you want a spiritual, character-building experience, then have a child.

It is a very similar process to a serious illness. People often say about Cancer: “It was the worst thing and the best thing that ever happened to me.” And I think it’s the same with children – at least in the early years when they are SO physically demanding. Then, as they get older, and you are now a new and improved person, then the benefits start rolling in.

But again, ONLY if you’ve given that child what they needed during the brutal years. I’ve seen many parents who did not sacrifice themselves to meet the baby’s/child’s needs and they do not have the relationship, trust, intimacy and spiritual connection with their children that those who gave themselves up for the needs of the child have. So those parents do not reap the benefits – you really do reap what you sow. Or, get back what you put in.

And note, I’m not saying “wants” of the child. I’m saying “needs”. It’s a bugger of evolution that human babies are so completely helpless! In an extended family and close community set-up, this is not a problem. And does not require such monumental sacrifice from the parents. But, since most of us are in nuclear families (Dr. John Travis calls it “The NFD – Nuclear Family Disaster”), in order to provide the level of care that babies and young children need, the sacrifice of self is humongous.

Well, don’t know if this has helped you with your decision at all… but those are my thoughts.

One thing I can say unequivocally: Fear-based decisions are never good.

So if you pursue this relationship, or a baby out of fear – fear of losing him, fear of never finding anyone else, etc. You are so setting yourself up for failure.

Babies DO NOT bring people closer together. They are so exhausting and draining that they make even the best relationship nasty and vicious.

Ian and I were married for five years before we had Oscar, and we had worked through a lot of stuff and had a level of intimacy and connection that was really substantial. But under the pressure of the demands, stressors, exhaustion etc. of child-raising, we have both been crueler to each other than anyone could believe possible. And then we both realized why the divorce rate is so high!

If you BOTH do not have the commitment to the marriage and the maturity to discuss, problem-solve, resolve, forgive etc., you’re dead in the water.

love and hugs,
Jini